one of those days!

No this has nothing to do with mother, though she did have one of those evenings but all to do with me this time, quell surprise!!
Whilst back in October when my GP was on holiday & the numpty I saw instead claimed my ballistic BP was to do with me being (1) small and fat (2) of a certain age (3) virus related  he stupidly asked me had  I ever considered a gastric band op?
I smiled sweetly & sarcastic as my want is I replied 'you got a spare £4000 you wish to give me?'
Then I got a lecture how I should do this and that etc etc so would I be willing to maybe head down the NHS route? May take a while, OK but I am not THAT FAT.
So yesterday went off to an appointment and this 'thing' dragged me into her office.
Started patronising me and then asked stuff as she wrote down.
So explained to her, I'd lost a lot of weight 6years ago, was motivated went to Weight Bullies etc and I came out of it as I was getting fed up being told I should loose more despite the fact I'd lost over 70lbs in less than a year and I only really wanted to loose 14lbs more while they wanted at least another 36 and then some.
I've even done the gastric hypno do dah didn't work she got money for nowt as she didn't do a follow up!( seemingly as with real gastric bands you can get slippage when its all in your mind too!)
I had what they've decided ( in light of current events) that I probably had a TIA the night I just dropped and broke my leg in a few places and as they didn't pin it, I was in plaster for 5 months which meant no moving about that wasn' restricted , I did walk a lot but that was my limit and over that year nearly all of that 70 lbs went back on, I was in active, and bored!
I had tried to go back to WW but the leader kept changing and I wasn't into it,left for a while then went back to it, didn't succeed and then decided nope try Boots is own and that worked till I went to Canada and then after the wedding sod it was in my head!
Never got back to it then hey presto a stroke, though they thought a virus which made me lethargic etc.
So nowt happened.
Told this woman I have a trigger in my brain that switches and my mind won't do something or will do something.
I knew I needed to loose weight again for health reasons.
But I was fed up with medics ( ironically the neurology dude and my GP have never nagged me) looking at me thinking small fat woman!
I've huge mood swings just now.
I've started up watching what I eat and have started up healthy eating but I feel I am not getting anywhere fast.
I had an eating disorder as  a teen & it seems my mind has got this love / hate relationship with food.
SO all in all I was honest. Didn't see the point of lying.
So she went well you wouldn't be a candidate for the op ( didn't think I would as my BMI isn't high enough)but I had to start jumping through their hoops, would have to go to a support group meeting, on par with AA, so this is when I would be going.....
Nope can't even if for 1 hr once a fortnight when I am back at work how do I do it, as its work time?
As I don't work in town it makes it double hard to attend things.
So she called round and found there MIGHT be another starting up at  a time that might fit in with me.
( and any one that works full time!)
Then I HAVE to go to classes, for exercise OK but that has to be at a time when I can go & I can get a baby sitter etc for mother.
And i got told I COULD leave mother in the house for at least an hour SURELY?
Nope, last time she ran away and was picked up by the police.
I don't have a life where I go to work come home and can go back out again.
Despite how I explained this to this woman, there was no bend from her, its not like the sodding GP didn't know he's mother's GP!
I don't get me time, and when I get peace its chill out time / me to do something I want not to think I must race off to a Zumba class or head to the gym or swimming, I do have limited movement due to damage to discs  so we have to be sensible. I have as you have seen been dragging the dog for a walk which is over a mile on a daily basis ( can't do at weekend as no minders!) i enjoy it as its peaceful its just him and me.
But I can't help it if my lifestyle isn't to her liking I can't help it that my mind has the off switch the wrong way, I can't help it.
All I wouldn't mind having was support, not what she had decided to do which was patronise not into consideration your life, and treat you like dirt!
I was angry as she said level 2 hadn't been adhered to-- whats level 2?
Well no level 2 wouldn't happen as (1) he didn't suggest it (2) there is no one bar my own GP and one other that re remotely approachable!
I don't live a normal life, maybe if & when we move I shall have some normality but see just now?  No I don't tick the boxes, sorry but no.
Whilst I went there thinking this will be good etc I left thinking what a load of shit, I feel worthless as I've allowed her to do so.
Be a bigger giggle if I was going to level 4 as that means a psychologist plays with your head!
Now as I think about it, this could be the end of the line, I wanted something to get the trigger in my bed set the right way instead I feel its stuck on off.