Oops so long so long

It's been so long since I wrote on this. I don't know why, oh, wait a minute, I do, life became boring for a while and I didn't want to bore you.
Actually thinking about it the boring would be good right now.
At the age of 53 I've become an orphan.
Sadly not an only child, as I've always thought would be good, and believe you me, in the last 2 weeks I really wish I was.
Mother passed over in her sleep on the 12th , I knew I'd find her, always knew she would make sure it be me, sounds daft but honestly, I thought should she die at home she would make sure it was me not a carer or a sister.
I wasn't freaked, I'm weird, I think it's a survival thing, I become so bloody logical folk think I'm cold or unfeeling but I can't help myself it's in my make up always has been.
Probably to do with the fact I've family that do the opposite.
For some reason the surprise is that she passed so peacefully, we are talking mother, her that fought for everything her whole life, including in stage 4 dementia, so. He visions of her kicking and screaming saying nope, not going yet. I never seen her look so peaceful, asleep, no pain in face or body, just like she was in deep sleep.
Annoying sister of course, has done the whole woe is me act, she last saw mother on Christmas Day and despite me getting really annoyed with her just recently and told her to go and visit mother , but she could be in the house , mother next door and she wouldn't go into her room.
But, she had the audacity to blame me, told me I had stopped her going.
Aye one night when it was 10.30 pm.
Of course she did the professional mourner duty on funeral day.
Biggest "laugh" folk that knew mother of old thought poor her, the ones that have known about us in the last 5 years knew the difference.
Life is weird,I've not had a melt down just random moments, I still expect to catch her trying to escape.  Plus the idea I can walk out of the house at any time , day or night now, without a baby sitter is seriously weird.
I do think if no one son hadn't come back for the funeral and stayed on for a wee while, I might have taken to my bed and let the black mood take me.
Annoying sister is still that, what she now fails to twig the thing that bound us was mother.
I know now I don't feel loyalty to her and want karma to bite her.
I know not nice but, she does nasty stuff, she has caused WW3 within hours of mother dying and I'm walking on egg shells when she's around.  I want peace and to come to terms with how my life has changed, I've gone from 24/7 carer to free agent.
Many options, but what's the best?  That is the key question.