Kind of find it ironic on many levels.
And a friend kind of reminded me in a round about way about things, that should make me think things aren't as bad as I've imagined.
I had passed comment re her parent & they went " we'll seen not yours!"
Which reminded me, my mother was no saint.
In fact, she ruled us all with iron, she scared us many a time, even well not adult hood and I think without a fault we've all lied rough our teeth to her about stuff and what we were up to until dementia took hold.
Yep, like my friend, others viewed my mother as this open minded and broad thinking woman.
She was, but only for others .
At 15 I became an anorexic , you'd not guess. Lol. But I've always had a love hate relationship with food. And it's because of her and my annoying sister, who copied mother's style ( praise be she never had kids!) and assumed belittling you was the way to go.
Maybe that's why I was a daddy's girl, but he passed over when I was 13& I rebelled at 16.
She once cast up to me as close as 2000 that I had a conscience hence why I looked out for her. She said it as though having a conscience was a bad thing.
It probably irritated her that her favoured child ( annoying sister ) as she grew older, spent less and less time with her & me the one that had been a disappointment for rebelling, despite turning my life around and going to Uni twice etc ( I did post grad etc in Oxford as it was kudos for her more than me) was the one that took her places & in the last few years spent 24/7 looking after her.
The human mind is weird, I've wiped out a lot of the crap stuff & just can't quite get over the fact she is in a better place and probably having a party upstairs with her pals ( eldest sister and I decided this last Sunday as all her friends passed before her) and yet I hope she twigs, the child she had with a conscience did try because she felt t was right and if she didn't the promise of her dying in her own bed wouldn't have happened if left to annoying sister.
No comments:
Post a Comment